The email was compelling--a personal note from Jared*, a man I like and respect. He had taken over from me as president of the board of an organization and was asking me to attend their annual dinner and give money as a sponsor. When I was on the … [Read more...]
How to Respond to Emotional Outbursts
April 19, 2012 By Leave a Comment
"Please, Daddy, please? Can we open our presents from you now?" It was the third night of Hanukkah and my wife Eleanor, our three young children, and I had just come home from a holiday party. "Didn't you guys get enough presents at the party?" … [Read more...]
Diversity Training Doesn’t Work
March 12, 2012 By 6 Comments
"We've got another lawsuit," my friend and client Lana* told me over the phone. "Really?" I was honestly surprised. "What about all that diversity training everyone went through?" "Well, apparently we need to do it again." Lana was the head … [Read more...]
The Problem with High Expectations
February 23, 2012 By 10 Comments
At 5 am I was lying in bed, awake, thinking. Actually, thinking is too generous a word for what I was doing. I was perseverating. I was about to buy a new bicycle, and I couldn't decide on the color. I tried to visualize the bike and imagine how I … [Read more...]
Do People Really Want You to Be Honest?
January 10, 2012 By 4 Comments
My wife Eleanor and I were walking up a mountain road, enjoying a rare moment of being alone together. As we rounded a bend, we saw a friend, Nancy,* not too far ahead. When we caught up with her she suggested we walk together. I've known Nancy … [Read more...]
How to Really Listen
October 19, 2011 By 3 Comments
One morning, my wife Eleanor woke up, turned over, and said, "I am not looking forward to this day." I asked her why. What came out is that we were at the start of the Jewish high holy day season, which means colder weather and three weeks of big … [Read more...]
Getting Past a Communication Impasse
May 26, 2011 By
What do you do when you have a communication impasse with someone you care about? Jim* is a friend and colleague whom I hadn't seen for a year. It's been a hard year for Jim and I called him frequently as he navigated his business through tough … [Read more...]
Arguing Is Pointless
February 8, 2011 By
It was lunchtime and the seven of us — two kids and five adults — would be in the car for the next three hours as we drove from New York City to upstate Connecticut for the weekend. We decided to get some takeout at a place on the corner … [Read more...]
Don’t Let the Package Distract You from the Message
December 1, 2010 By
My wife Eleanor and I came home from dinner the other night, and found our babysitter, Leslie*, in tears. "Is everything OK with the kids?" I asked. "Yes. They've been sleeping the whole time. It's not that." "Do you want to talk about whatever … [Read more...]
How to Handle Surprise Criticism
September 17, 2010 By
"Peter, there's something we want to talk to you about," Mark said as we were sitting on the ground eating dinner. It was the summer of 1990, and Mark, Rich, and I were instructing a National Outdoor Leadership School (NOLS) course, leading about … [Read more...]
