My wife Eleanor and I were walking up a mountain road, enjoying a rare moment of being alone together. As we rounded a bend, we saw a friend, Nancy,* not too far ahead. When we caught up with her she suggested we walk together. I've known Nancy … [Read more...]
How to Really Listen
October 19, 2011 By 3 Comments
One morning, my wife Eleanor woke up, turned over, and said, "I am not looking forward to this day." I asked her why. What came out is that we were at the start of the Jewish high holy day season, which means colder weather and three weeks of big … [Read more...]
Getting Past a Communication Impasse
May 26, 2011 By
What do you do when you have a communication impasse with someone you care about? Jim* is a friend and colleague whom I hadn't seen for a year. It's been a hard year for Jim and I called him frequently as he navigated his business through tough … [Read more...]
Arguing Is Pointless
February 8, 2011 By
It was lunchtime and the seven of us — two kids and five adults — would be in the car for the next three hours as we drove from New York City to upstate Connecticut for the weekend. We decided to get some takeout at a place on the corner … [Read more...]
Don’t Let the Package Distract You from the Message
December 1, 2010 By
My wife Eleanor and I came home from dinner the other night, and found our babysitter, Leslie*, in tears. "Is everything OK with the kids?" I asked. "Yes. They've been sleeping the whole time. It's not that." "Do you want to talk about whatever … [Read more...]
How to Handle Surprise Criticism
September 17, 2010 By
"Peter, there's something we want to talk to you about," Mark said as we were sitting on the ground eating dinner. It was the summer of 1990, and Mark, Rich, and I were instructing a National Outdoor Leadership School (NOLS) course, leading about … [Read more...]
When to Confront Someone: The Rule of Three
November 30, 2009 By
"Should I bother to have the conversation with her? What do you think?" Mike*, a marketing director, was telling me about Anne, one of his employees, who had done a few things to frustrate him. She arrived late to a meeting with a client. Not that … [Read more...]
The Martial Art of Difficult Conversations
October 27, 2009 By
My wife Eleanor and I used to live in a small house in Princeton, New Jersey. One night we returned home to find a car parked in our single space driveway with no owner in sight. We were tired and had nowhere nearby to legally park our car. So we … [Read more...]
